Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
What a dumb baby whore.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
Randomize
