haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
Randomize
