Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
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I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
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