No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
