SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
Randomize
