i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
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