I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
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