i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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