I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Randomize
