I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
