I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
