WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
