did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Randomize
