What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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