I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
I need a burrito and a hug.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
Randomize
