So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
