Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
Randomize
