i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Randomize
