loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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