don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Randomize