You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Randomize
