I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
