i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Randomize
