I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
i would one night stand the shit outta him
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
