What did we do last night that was yellow?
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
Randomize
