When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize
