Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
Randomize
