Tell her she can't have a vagina
Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Randomize
