the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
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