Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
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