I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Randomize
