i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
Randomize
