so that wasnt chicken after all
How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Randomize
