you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
