Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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