good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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