if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
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