I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
whose parrot is this?
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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