My liver just broke up with me...
There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize