some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
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