ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
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