please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Randomize
