what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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