shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
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