New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
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