put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
You need Xanax blowdarts
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize
