It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
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