he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
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