so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize
