I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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