Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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