I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
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