Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
