He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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