If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
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