I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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