I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
