im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
