Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
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