I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
Randomize
