So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
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