No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
