At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Randomize
