I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
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I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
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tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
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