He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
Randomize
