this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
Randomize
