At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
I wish you could order shots online.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
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