My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Randomize
