"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
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