Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
My first STD was from a foam party
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize
