I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Randomize
