Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
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