She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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