I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Randomize
