He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
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I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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