He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
