One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Randomize
