Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
I DEMAND FORESKIN
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Randomize
