The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize