when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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