So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
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