They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
